Sometimes a badger runs through my house naked, and pushes my wife off of the balcony. Just the other day, he broke in while I was sleeping, and vandalised my spiffy sock showcase. I found him stumbling through my living room in a drunken stupor, wearing my best pair of going-out socks. And that's not all. He had filled them with blueberry pudding because he lied the sound it made when he walked. Every time I call the police on him, they refuse to charge him because he's not a legal adult (in human years). Does anyone have an idea as to why he does this?
He's pining for his auntie Sue and you should have more compassion than to begrudge him wearing your favourite going out socks when you own 27 pairs and 13 of those are a pretty green stripy colour with great big blue butterflies on the toes.. Don't you remember when you last walked through blueberry pudding? You know only last night your nephew caught you scratching your back on the raspberry canes when you thought nobody was looking! Give the badger a break. It's not so long ago your pyjama bottoms ran out of gravy and caused a pile up that could be seen from outer space. Lurid pink is so not your colour. Honestly! It's not as though you even collect knickers!
ummmm.... A badger Charge a badger? Right..